@GTV reviews the Cosmic Fantasy 1-2 Switch collection by Edia, provides examples of the poor English editing/localization work. It's much worse for CF1. Rated "D" for disappointment, finding that TurboGrafx CF2 is better & while CF1's the real draw, Edia screwed it up...
Main Menu

Arjak's review of the Lords of Thunder promo tape...

Started by Arjak, 07/05/2009, 09:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Arjak

Notice: The following review is not meant to be taken seriously. I love the Turbo/PC Engine. This is only satire.

*Sigh* ](*,)

Where do I even begin!?

Lords of Thunder is one of the great classics for the TurboGrafx/PC Engine, and still holds up today as a brilliant example of how to make a great shmup. When game design becomes a class in school, this should be one of the games that is analyzed as everything that is right about the genre.

When the Turbo Duo came out at around 1994, this was one of the flagship games for the system, and rightly so. So TTi made a little promotional video to show everyone just how badass the game was. This tape was designed to create intense hype for the game and system.

What they created was something so terrifyingly bad and horrifically hilarious that it stands as a testament to why the system failed miserably.

Now, if you've never seen this video, I highly recommend that you download a copy from pcengniefx.com, for this is something that can't be explained...

It must be experienced...

The tape begins with the Duo logo, and then a Point of View shot of a kid coming home, running to his room (an early use of shakycam), and sitting down to play Lords of Thunder. You can hear the music coming from the TV, and already it seems to sound nice, but then the video takes you into a scene of gameplay footage. By this point, any smart gamer can tell what kind of game this is by the footage shown. And it looks incredible! The game is shown to be action-packed and full of beautiful graphics, adrenaline-inducing hard rock music, and lots of good old fun.

Okay, so far so good...

Cut to a game store. We see some kids playing the game. As one of them leaves the demo kiosk, the cameraman approaches him and asks what he though of it. The gamer tells the camera that he thought the game was "great," and that he would proudly trade his Sega for a Duo.

Now, pretend that you are a young kid who loves games for just a second. Pretend that you don't know that this is most likely just an actor, and that you believe that this young man is telling you through the TV that the Turbo Duo is better than the Sega Genesis. This guy is a young teenager, a few years older than you. This is powerful stuff. You instantly believe this guy, because he is older and more experienced in the world.

So, okay, decent use of a "mentor" type for advertising...

After some more sweet game footage, and some shots of more kids playing the game (one with a ridiculously intense facial expression), we see video of one of the bosses of the game. Holy shit! He's f'ing huge! He's as tall as the screen! He lets out a mighty roar and the epic battle begins! At this point, you are getting really psyched about this game. Your interest has been greatly heightened. You want to applaud.

"Okay," you say, "This isn't so bad! What's your problem with this?" Well, give me just a few more minutes.

After the boss, you see an Asian man telling you that this game is the best shooter around, and after what you've seen, you're inclined to believe him.

Then you see menus showing just how customizable the game is. You don't know what the "Armor Select" means, but you definitely see what appears to be a stage select, and...

WTF!? This game has a SHOP?

Yes, the game has a shop where you can buy power-ups, complete with a sexy woman who makes you feel very uncomfortable for some strange reason...

So, yes, the game is awesome; you can already tell. So, you're just about to pause the video and beg your mother to buy you a Duo when, all of a sudden, something very strange happens in the video.

We see an old man walking down the street. The cameraman approaches him and asks him if he's played the game. His response:

"Huh?"

The scene makes you laugh, but you are a little puzzled: "WTF does this have to do with anything?" you wonder.

And so, a third of the way into the video, it begins to take a trip into total madness...

Some more gameplay footage gets you to forget the strangeness preceding it.

Then some random guy takes his hand from off the lens and says it's a great game. Okay...

After more game footage, the offscreen player loses, and then, some strange Asian guy tells you that "you need practice." What the hell!? I wasn't even playing! This guy repeats the word practice a couple times. The final time, you smile because he stumbles over the word.

Then all of a sudden, we're looking out of a car window as a woman driving in the next lane tells you that Lords of Thunder is a great game. You can barely hear her over the wind, but it's what happens next that blows your mind.

Her car crashes randomly.

You make this face:  :-s

Then a split second later, you find yourself unable to stop laughing.

But no, that's not the strangest part. It gets worse.

More awesome gameplay footage appears on the screen, but this time you can't forget the previous scene. It was just too bizarre. Then you remember the last weird scene, the one with the old man, and you start to think, "Why!?"

Then the video starts telling you about the awesome music. Okay, fair enough. They get several people's opinion on how awesome the music is.

They say things like:

"The music is much like concerts I go to, when standing in the front row."

You are just starting to forget the previous weirdness when, guess what? You get blindsided again.

Cameraman: What do you like about Lords of Thunder?

Strange old man: The lyrics.

Cameraman: The lyrics?

First old man: Huh?

You:  :-s

You:  :lol:

So, yeah...by this point you are starting to ignore the game footage, and are wondering, "What could possibly come next?"

You are not disappointed.

After some guys broadly hint that gamers prefer the Duo to the Sega CD, a guy with a promo T-Shirt, and of course, game footage, the next scene makes you blow yet another circuit:

IMPLIED CHILD ABUSE!

 :shock:

No, I'm not kidding. A mother talks about how after having a baby, all she does is play Lords of Thunder. So, I guess the baby isn't going to last very long...

More footage of the game comes next, but it does little to dull your pain. You think this video can't get any worse. It can't get more cheesy, right?

Wrong.

Next comes the most mindblowingly crazy moment in the whole thing. A moment that causes your jaw to drop in disbelief. A moment that makes you realize that you are never, EVER going to buy a Duo. You'll take your chances with Sega. At least their commercials were cool.

A man says the following, and I quote:

"I LIKE TO PLAY THE GAME!!!!!!"

He says this in what sounds like a bad Arnold impression, and you...well, are in awe. Awe of how genius this video is in building up your excitement in a heartbeat, and then destroying your soul twice as fast immediately after.

At this moment, you snap completely. You can't take anymore of this. Footage of other Duo games is not even noticed.

You just sit there.

Thinking.

Realizing that you have spent the last seven irredeemable minutes of your life on the ultimate LSD trip.

You hide in a corner and cry.

Lords of Thunder: Great game, horrible video.

If you never saw the video during the system's heyday, feel fortunate. You can look back on it and laugh.

If you did see it back then, well, now you know why you never got a Duo until much, much later.
He who dings the Gunhed must PAAAAY!!! -Ninja Spirit

Mathius

I have never seen this video...now I don't want to.

Arkhan Asylum

whats wrong with the promo video? I thought it was hilarious and fun.
This "max-level forum psycho" (:lol:) destroyed TWO PC Engine groups in rage: one by Aaron Lambert on Facebook "Because Chris 'Shadowland' Runyon!," then the other by Aaron Nanto "Because Le NightWolve!" Him and PCE Aarons don't have a good track record together... Both times he blamed the Aarons in a "Look-what-you-made-us-do?!" manner, never himself nor his deranged, destructive, toxic turbo troll gang!

Mathius

Quote from: guest on 07/06/2009, 12:30 AMwhats wrong with the promo video? I thought it was hilarious and fun.
I wasn't being entirely serious.

ccovell

Child neglect is not the same thing as child abuse.

Abuse would be using your baby as a footrest while playing hours of Lords of Thunder, for example.

Arkhan Asylum

Quote from: ccovell on 07/06/2009, 03:37 AMChild neglect is not the same thing as child abuse.

Abuse would be using your baby as a footrest while playing hours of Lords of Thunder, for example.
unless the baby is also holding your drink.  Because then thats just ingenuity.
This "max-level forum psycho" (:lol:) destroyed TWO PC Engine groups in rage: one by Aaron Lambert on Facebook "Because Chris 'Shadowland' Runyon!," then the other by Aaron Nanto "Because Le NightWolve!" Him and PCE Aarons don't have a good track record together... Both times he blamed the Aarons in a "Look-what-you-made-us-do?!" manner, never himself nor his deranged, destructive, toxic turbo troll gang!

omotai


Joe Redifer

#7
Oh, so the asian lady driving crashes?  Is that what is supposed to be happening?  I just thought it was a random shot of a car jumping over a small bump and then another random shot of a wrecked car.  There isn't any continuity mainly because the time of day is different in all of the scenes... and the video is just so random anyway.  I'm surprised there isn't a shot of a random guy kayaking down a river for no reason or something.

Also, they showed pretty much the entire game.  No reason to buy it after seeing that.

I hear Die Hard Game Fan made this video.  They are so awesome.  I don't know why they aren't making feature films after the high quality production here.