So I just finished Golden Axe...

OldRover · 01/14/2013, 09:26 PM

...ugh... this game really is as terrible as they say it is. From the very first moments of gameplay... if the horrible character sprites and animations and disgustingly underdetailed and washed-out backgrounds don't irritate you, the terrible hit detection and nauseating sound effects most certainly will. And then, if you need to continue, you have to start the fucking level over again. BOO. You suck. However, I discovered a way to turn the game's shitty flaws against it and chump the fuck out of any boss, even Death Adder himself... the running tackle against the right side of the screen, when executed as the enemy is starting to get up, will hit *every time*... 100% chance of hitting, no chance of being countered if done right. It only works against the right side though, never against the left. Death Adder is exceedingly cheap and this is a great way to out-cheap him. Of course, maneuvering him into a compromising position is tough since he has those stupid ground wave things that will follow you around no matter where you are, and once he starts swinging his axe, he just doesn't stop until he knocks you out or he gets knocked down himself. Worst character AI ever.

So now I've seen all three character endings... and they all suck too. After the monstrosity of shit that the gameplay is, I was hoping the endings would be worth watching... but alas, they are not.

This game truly is a stain not only on the PCE's legacy but also on the legacy of Golden Axe. Telenet should be ashamed of such an abomination. For those of you who say "it's not that bad"... bollocks. If this is what you call "not bad", let's see what you consider "bad"... because this is one of the worst games I've ever sat through. Even Shape Shifter isn't this bad.

PCEngineHell · 01/14/2013, 09:31 PM

Yeah I agree, Golden Axe on Pce was garbage. Way way too much wrong with the game. They just broke it.

Keith Courage · 01/14/2013, 11:28 PM

I just played through this as well about 2 weeks ago. Basically the character sprites ruin it for me. I could easily ignore the drab backgrounds if the characters looked better. However, I did like the music and Cinema cut scenes.

Gogan · 01/15/2013, 12:28 AM

What's the driving force behind completing a game u think uttering sucks? Lol

Keith Courage · 01/15/2013, 12:41 AM

Well, the game was still fun to play even though it looked poopy.

Gogan · 01/15/2013, 12:47 AM

That's cool. More aimed at rove tho

Seems like such torture to put yourself through lol

OldRover · 01/15/2013, 02:45 AM

Quote from: Gogan on 01/15/2013, 12:28 AMWhat's the driving force behind completing a game u think uttering sucks? Lol

I wanted to see the ending cutscenes... and to gauge the true suckitude of the game. It's one thing to mess with a game for 2 minutes and say "man this sucks" but quite another to soldier on and conquer said sucky game. It shouldn't even be considered Golden Axe... maybe they should have called it Rastan 2.5D instead.

Keith Courage · 01/15/2013, 03:31 AM

Yeah or Bronze Axe.

soop · 01/15/2013, 05:35 AM

Quote from: Keith Courage on 01/15/2013, 03:31 AMYeah or Bronze Axe.

Heheheh

Yeah, I agree. It's fucking awful. I've said before, the biggest problem I had is the fact that the enemy can walk through your attacks if there's more than one of them (you can only attack one person at a time).
That makes it possible to survive when there's 2 of them (one on each side) but by the time it got to 3 on one, theskeletons at the final stage, it became ridiculous. You can turn and attack perfectly, and one guy will just wander through and attack you at will like you were just stood there.

ParanoiaDragon · 01/15/2013, 06:43 AM

Quote from: Keith Courage on 01/15/2013, 03:31 AMYeah or Bronze Axe.

Meh, more like Plastic Axe, or Wet Paper Bag Axe!

I do like the music & cinemas though. The music is very Valis'esque, Valis'y, Valis'ish.....you get what I mean!

Tatsujin · 01/15/2013, 06:47 AM

lol goldenaxe. congrats on your endure skillz, rover

PCEngineHell · 01/15/2013, 08:38 AM

I'd say Rusty Axe, but whatever.

soop · 01/15/2013, 10:18 AM

Golden Axe-wound.

FYI: http://www.rathergood.com/hedgehogs

Arkhan Asylum · 01/15/2013, 11:11 AM

They were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH

Opethian · 01/15/2013, 02:52 PM

yea but who paid Taito to murder the Rastan series with a sequel

VestCunt · 01/15/2013, 04:31 PM

PCE Golden Axe is horrific. How did they mess up one of the best games from one of the simplest genres? All a game needs to be a good brawler is 8-way movement + hit detection. Even the Master System delivered a playable version despite all of its flicker and complete lack of animation.

Rover - how much of an effect do you think the limitations of the 2.0 card had on ruining Golden Axe?

Gogan · 01/15/2013, 05:03 PM

Quote from: OldRover on 01/15/2013, 02:45 AM
Quote from: Gogan on 01/15/2013, 12:28 AMWhat's the driving force behind completing a game u think uttering sucks? Lol
I wanted to see the ending cutscenes... and to gauge the true suckitude of the game. It's one thing to mess with a game for 2 minutes and say "man this sucks" but quite another to soldier on and conquer said sucky game. It shouldn't even be considered Golden Axe... maybe they should have called it Rastan 2.5D instead.

I envy your patience for suckitude :-)

Keith Courage · 01/15/2013, 06:11 PM

I don't think the fact that it is a standard CD rom has anything to do with how the sprites and backgrounds look. Altered beast was made for the 1.0 system card and looks 10 times better.

Tatsujin · 01/15/2013, 06:30 PM

Spriggan was too, and it looks at least 4'287'923 times better than golden axe.

fraggore · 01/16/2013, 02:31 AM

the music was good

JoshTurboTrollX · 01/16/2013, 09:51 AM

Quote from: OldRover on 01/14/2013, 09:26 PM... because this is one of the worst games I've ever sat through. Even Shape Shifter isn't this bad.

What? Shapeshifter is, while lacking polish, a pretty great game. I play it just for the music and parallax!!

turboswimbz · 01/16/2013, 10:49 AM

Quote from: JoshTurboTrollX-16 on 01/16/2013, 09:51 AM
Quote from: OldRover on 01/14/2013, 09:26 PM... because this is one of the worst games I've ever sat through. Even Shape Shifter isn't this bad.
What? Shapeshifter is, while lacking polish, a pretty great game. I play it just for the music and parallax!!

trying to makke my way through shape shifter now, gameplay is poor to okay at best. It looks great don't get me wrong but the story and gameplay are severly lacking IMO. Hit detection is a bit a wonkey in spots, and the animals controls feel off too, It's just enough for me to notice and that takes away from making this a great game.

TheClash603 · 01/16/2013, 08:35 PM

I kinda like Shapeshifter...

I always wanted to play Golden Axe and Altered Beast for the PCE, but the bad reviews made it so I haven't dropped the money yet. Also that lame ass 1.0 card thing.

Keith Courage · 01/16/2013, 09:03 PM

Golden Axe can be played on any CD system card. Only the Altered Beast CD requires the 1.0 CD card.

Tatsujin · 01/16/2013, 09:06 PM

le correct.

Keranu · 01/16/2013, 11:27 PM

Quote from: guest on 01/15/2013, 11:11 AMThey were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH

It is funny how lackluster all the Sega ports on the PCE turned out when the console has a good reputation for quality arcade conversions! Conspiracy!!!!1111~`3123!

esteban · 01/17/2013, 12:07 AM

Quote from: Keranu on 01/16/2013, 11:27 PM
Quote from: guest on 01/15/2013, 11:11 AMThey were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH
It is funny how lackluster all the Sega ports on the PCE turned out when the console has a good reputation for quality arcade conversions! Conspiracy!!!!1111~`3123!

I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A FEKA MAN!

Seriously.

ParanoiaDragon · 01/17/2013, 03:33 AM

Wait, I thought most people considered Afterburner on the PCE to be superior?

soop · 01/17/2013, 04:25 AM

Quote from: ParanoiaDragon on 01/17/2013, 03:33 AMWait, I thought most people considered Afterburner on the PCE to be superior?

There are some great Sega conversions; Afterburner, (IMO) Shinobi (despite the cuts), Out Run, Altered Beast (Power, UP!), Space Harrier, blah blah blooblah.

Tatsujin · 01/17/2013, 04:38 AM

And don't forget about the amazing almost 1:1 AC port of monster lair

To be honest almost any ports beside of goldenaxe are superior.

WoodyXP · 01/20/2013, 08:50 AM

Quote from: guest on 01/15/2013, 11:11 AMThey were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH

I wouldn't be surprised. If the PCE version was done right it would have curb-stomped the Genny version.

Tatsujin · 01/20/2013, 09:13 AM

Quote from: WoodyXP on 01/20/2013, 08:50 AMIf the PCE version was done right it would have curb-stomped the Genny version.

by few land slides!

esteban · 01/20/2013, 09:27 AM

Quote from: WoodyXP on 01/20/2013, 08:50 AM
Quote from: guest on 01/15/2013, 11:11 AMThey were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH
I wouldn't be surprised. If the PCE version was done right it would have curb-stomped the Genny version.

Holy crap, haven't seen you post in a few days, or years...

If only the original developers, permanently scarred by their work, wanted to fix things in 2013 by "doing it right"...

BigusSchmuck · 01/20/2013, 11:42 AM

Quote from: esteban on 01/20/2013, 09:27 AM
Quote from: WoodyXP on 01/20/2013, 08:50 AM
Quote from: guest on 01/15/2013, 11:11 AMThey were paid by Sega to fuck it all up so the Genesis one looked better! YEAH
I wouldn't be surprised. If the PCE version was done right it would have curb-stomped the Genny version.
Holy crap, haven't seen you post in a few days, or years...

If only the original developers, permanently scarred by their work, wanted to fix things in 2013 by "doing it right"...

Or better yet one of our homebrewers take the original code and fix it ourselves! Probably would have to rename it though as I'm not so sure Feka would like it too much, but its a idea nevertheless.

CrackTiger · 01/23/2013, 08:37 PM

You guys should be much more fair to poor Telenet, they maxed out the PCE with this game.

Quote from: sanoichiro (on youtube)It really has nothing to do with TELENETs ability to convert games. I love my PCE, but the fact of the matter is that the MegaDrive and SNES were more capable machines. The PCE has greater storage capacity and audio due to the cd format, but in game, problematic scrolling, limited color palette, sound effects and overall power are almost universally inferior to other systems of the time. Love the system. Just being fair.

Tatsujin · 01/23/2013, 08:56 PM

Quote from: sanoichiro (on youtube)It really has nothing to do with TELENETs ability to convert games. I love my PCE, but the fact of the matter is that the MegaDrive and SNES were more capable machines. The PCE has greater storage capacity and audio due to the cd format, but in game, problematic scrolling, limited color palette, sound effects and overall power are almost universally inferior to other systems of the time. Love the system. Just being fair.

lol, what a moron.
Just being fair.