Wow...

[peperocket]

and probably a Tetanus shot for me too, just to be safe.

[Nazi NecroPhile]

A deep cleansing bleach bath awaits it's arrival...

and probably a Tetanus shot for me too, just to be safe.

Don't clean it up too much - it might loose some of its charm (or whatever the opposite of charm is called).

[offsidewing]

Maybe an Auto-clave (sp??) instead of bleach. 

Just enough heat, or bleach, to kill any kind of Andromeda strain it may be carrying.  I don't drink sterno...

[offsidewing]

Still no tap.  The last time I ordered something from Kong Hong I never saw it.

[Seldane]

I pretty much only buy stuff from Hong Kong these days. It usually arrives in about five days, but it has been delayed from time to time, once it took three weeks to get my package. Never lost anything though.

[grahf]

Yeah, I get things from HK all the time as well. Usually they are timely, but sometimes packages get held up for a few weeks. Customs maybe.

[nat]

I can see it now.

The customs agent inspecting this particular package was immediately taken with this particular 'Tap's 85% NEW!!!! condition. Never having seen anything like it before, he decides to keep it for himself and report the package as 'lost in transit'.

A shame.

[offsidewing]

I can see it now.

The customs agent inspecting this particular package was immediately taken with this particular 'Tap's 85% NEW!!!! condition. Never having seen anything like it before, he decides to keep it for himself and report the package as 'lost in transit'.

A shame.

That would be hilarious...

[Carbon Tiger]

I can see it now.

The customs agent inspecting this particular package was immediately taken with this particular 'Tap's 85% NEW!!!! condition. Never having seen anything like it before, he decides to keep it for himself and report the package as 'lost in transit'.

A shame.

That would be hilarious...

Or they took one look at it and upon scientific study found a new species of mold growing in it and its now on its way to a lab somewhere.

[Nazi NecroPhile]

It may have been radioactive and the Department of Homeland Security has confiscated it for further testing.  If you're lucky, you'll get to take a nice vacation to sunny Guantanamo Bay.

[offsidewing]

I'm not too worried about getting a visit from a federal agency, unless it's about another job.

I will wait for my 85% new tap to show up.  It probably ran into some immigration trouble at O'hare.

"So Mr 85% New, I see that you are only a 3 port tap.  What makes you think you can do the job better than a 5 port Duo Tap that already resides in the US?

"You may not know this, but I'm kind of a big deal around here.  I'm 85% new!  That's why!!"

[nat]

He may be 85% NEW!!!! but he's only 60% of the fun.

[offsidewing]

He may be 85% NEW!!!! but he's only 60% of the fun.

He's still not here.

It's going to be sweet when it gets here...

[Joe Redifer]

I would be contacting the seller and giving him hell.

[nat]

Where is it coming from again? China?

I stopped buying games from China when a package from there took 21 days to cross the Pacific to my home, in Seattle.

I have much more luck with packages from Japan, which arrive in no less than 2 and no more than 4 days after the sender ships them. A

Ridiculous, if you ask me, considering for all intents and purposes China and Japan are about the same distance away. Maybe US Customs agents have their eye on things coming in from China or something.

[offsidewing]

I contacted the seller and the response I got was:

"Trust Mail Delay."

  No Shit...

It's from Hong Kong, the capitalist cog in the reformed communist economy of China.  Mmm, Hong Kong...  Ooo how I love man-made super structures and the prayer inducing approach into the old airport.

[offsidewing]

Still no 85% new tap.  Time to file the ebay crap.  Thank god it was only $17.

[CrackTiger]

Still no 85% new tap.  Time to file the ebay crap.  Thank god it was only $17.

Looks like its only 85% real.

[Nazi NecroPhile]

By chance, did you get an empty box in the mail?  Maybe the tap biodegraded back to its base elements, or maybe you've been 85% screwed.  It's only been a month so far, so I still have hope that you'll get it. 

[Keranu]

Maybe he 85%ed his ass outta there!

[nat]

Looks like 85% NEW!!!! just isn't good enough to make it through customs.

I think they upped the requirement last year to 90%.

[offsidewing]

I contacted the seller again.  Apparently, they will make things right.

Time to file item not received.  I was so looking forward to some editions of "Where in the Muthaphuckin World is 85% New?"

[nat]

When you leave feedback for the seller you should make sure to note you were 85% disappointed with the transaction.


EDIT: I just read through this whole thread from message #1. This has to be the funniest thread ever to grace these message boards. It had me in stitches from the get go.

Necromancer made a good point early on that this thread needs to be stickied and never forgotten.

If you're ever feeling a bit down, if life's got you by the throat, just pop on over and re-live the 85% larger-than-life exploits of good ol' 85% NEW.

[offsidewing]

When you leave feedback for the seller you should make sure to note you were 85% disappointed with the transaction.


EDIT: I just read through this whole thread from message #1. This has to be the funniest thread ever to grace these message boards. It had me in stitches from the get go.

Necromancer made a good point early on that this thread needs to be stickied and never forgotten.

If you're ever feeling a bit down, if life's got you by the throat, just pop on over and re-live the 85% larger-than-life exploits of good ol' 85% NEW.

I remain optimistic.  I have another 29 days to file the complaint, so I shall be patient.

Actually, I probably could start playing "Where in the Muthaphuckin' world is my 85% New Tap."  Because really, I have no muthaphuckin' idea where it is right now.

[offsidewing]

MY FRIENDS, THE DREAM IS OVER!  (Hey now, Hey now...)

The seller just replied and stated they no longer have the tap.    Christmas is stolen from me, the Pumpkin King is dead, I've met my Waterloo.

Seriously, I feel like I just got dumped.     All the seller offered was some lame ass 5 player tap or a refund.  Visions of me pimping the 85% new around my neck and screaming "YEEAAAHHH BBBOOOYYYY" around the office are no more.  Taking this thing with me on my next trips to Scotland or Germany, posting pictures, and playing "Where in the Muthaphuckin world..." are no longer possible. 

I've written the President and asked that the flag be flown at half staff tomorrow.

Maybe buying this guy's Duo-R for $1000 will make me feel better...

[SuperDeadite]

So they sold you a tap that wasn't even a confirmed part of their inventory?    DIE EBAY DIE 

[nat]

So they sold you a tap that wasn't even a confirmed part of their inventory?    DIE EBAY DIE 

Yeah, what the fuck?

This guy led you to believe they had shipped the thing weeks ago, and blamed the fact that you didn't have it yet on "mail delay"?

After a MONTH of bullshit, he finally comes clean with the fact they never had it to begin with?

Looks like its only 85% real.

85% bullshit is more like it.

[Nazi NecroPhile]

85% bullshit is more like it.

Agreed, the lying bastards!  Though they're probably really confused as to why you aren't interested in the five player tap.  Just take the refund, leave neutral (or negative) feedback mentioning 85% in some way, and move on without the prize. 

[offsidewing]

I did contact the seller and specifically told him I wanted a crudded up tap, just incase they thought I'd leave negative feedback not getting an 85% new tap.

Any creature with a developed occular system can tell that puppies no where near new, which is why I want it.

If not, I've asked for a refund which will make me happy.

[esteban]

I did contact the seller and specifically told him I wanted a crudded up tap, just incase they thought I'd leave negative feedback not getting an 85% new tap.

Any creature with a developed occular system can tell that puppies no where near new, which is why I want it.

If not, I've asked for a refund which will make me happy.

Cr*p, this was an anti-climatic resolution. I wanted to contribute a few $$$'s towards the Encrusted Tap because I had faith in its existence. Now I don't know what to believe in. I'm floored. There has never been, nor will there ever be, another artifact like this one. What's the point in continu

[OldRover]

Demand a refund and report this jackass to ebay. He's broken one of the most fundamental rules of auctioning...actually having a product to auction.

[offsidewing]

Demand a refund and report this jackass to ebay. He's broken one of the most fundamental rules of auctioning...actually having a product to auction.

I will as soon as I'm done taking my 85% new 'Crying Game' shower.

"I know all there is to know about the crusty tap..."

[Seldane]

Oh man, that really sucks. I was looking forward to seeing this classic piece of video game history in photos around the world. Guess the dream is over.

Perhaps we could "generate" a similiar-looking tap? Rolling it in mud, tying it to a string after the car, giving it to the neighbourhood bulldog... Anything's possible, but it will be extremely hard to take away exactly 15% of its condition, so I guess we're pretty much screwed. 85% screwed, to be precise.

[nat]

I could take one of my new 'Taps and replace the cable with a really really old one.

[guyjin]

I have a nonworking turbo tap... i could beat it ub, but I just don't think the effect would be the same.

[offsidewing]

The $17 is back in my account along with a message "I do Refund.  No Excuse."

I'll just keep listening to the song "Happy Together" and think of all the fun I could have had...

[Keranu]

The $17 is back in my account along with a message "I do Refund.  No Excuse."

I'll just keep listening to the song "Happy Together" and think of all the fun I could have had...

This makes me very sad .

[Seldane]

No excuse? What's that supposed to mean? "I'm not sorry"? As in: it's your own fault you decided to buy this nonexistant crap?

Or: "I have no excuse that this item decided to stop existing"? "It's my fault".

[offsidewing]

Well, I got my $17.99 back and used it to buy Power Golf 2 and World Class baseball shipped for $7.  The other $11 bucks I spend on Cocaine and Hookers to help me get through this anguish.

[Nazi NecroPhile]

Ooo.  Eleven whole dollars.  You big spender. 

[offsidewing]

Hey, I never pay retail.  Especially on Blow and Hookers.

Actually, the other $11 went towards buying my son a lego set.  But Coke and Hookers makes for better reading.

However, I did find an alternative to the tap...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Jack-Nicklaus-Turbo-Golf-Turbo-Grafx-CHAIN-SMOKE-ED_W0QQitemZ170106309177QQihZ007QQcategoryZ62053QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem

[esteban]

Hey, I never pay retail.  Especially on Blow and Hookers.

Actually, the other $11 went towards buying my son a lego set.  But Coke and Hookers makes for better reading.

However, I did find an alternative to the tap...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Jack-Nicklaus-Turbo-Golf-Turbo-Grafx-CHAIN-SMOKE-ED_W0QQitemZ170106309177QQihZ007QQcategoryZ62053QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem

Ok, I'm slow: what does "chain-smoked" refer to? The fact that this dude put Jack Nicklaus in his TGMM-16 and never took it out, ever?

[offsidewing]

Hey, I never pay retail.  Especially on Blow and Hookers.

Actually, the other $11 went towards buying my son a lego set.  But Coke and Hookers makes for better reading.

However, I did find an alternative to the tap...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Jack-Nicklaus-Turbo-Golf-Turbo-Grafx-CHAIN-SMOKE-ED_W0QQitemZ170106309177QQihZ007QQcategoryZ62053QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem

Ok, I'm slow: what does "chain-smoked" refer to? The fact that this dude put Jack Nicklaus in his TGMM-16 and never took it out, ever?

i'm assuming that's what it means.  I mean really, is there a better game for the TG-16?

[Seldane]

An awesome cartridge. Buy it.

[termis]

At first glance, I thought that yellow was the natural color of the card. 

Man, that's rather gnarly. 

[Keranu]

Whoa that's insane! At first glance, I thought that was the design of the card too, but I know that's not how it's supposed to look! I would like to buy that if it was only a dollar or something.

EDIT: Do you guys think that HuCard is 85% new???

[Seldane]

I do not, no. More like ...... 68%.

[offsidewing]

Shit, using the Bonk Stone Tap Carbon Dating technique, I'd say that HuCard is 92.3% New.

[nat]

However, I did find an alternative to the tap...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Jack-Nicklaus-Turbo-Golf-Turbo-Grafx-CHAIN-SMOKE-ED_W0QQitemZ170106309177QQihZ007QQcategoryZ62053QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem

Oh, you've struck gold, my friend. The subtitle is the real kicker: "ONLY GAME THIS GUY EVER PLAYED??? INSERTED ONCE!!!"

Ok, I'm slow: what does "chain-smoked" refer to? The fact that this dude put Jack Nicklaus in his TGMM-16 and never took it out, ever?

No, it refers to the fact this dude put Jack Nicklaus in his TG-16, never took it out, and then proceeded to smoke 239,871 cigarettes while apparently blowing smoke rings on the exposed portion. That's the only feasible, scientifically plausible, expert-endorsed way this cart ended up in this condition.

The real question is, what spectacular set of circumstances prompted the owner to actually remove the cart from his TG-16 in the first place?

Maybe he decided to give Power Golf a spin and never looked back.

Or maybe he just got lung cancer and died.

EDIT: Do you guys think that HuCard is 85% new???

I do not, no. More like ...... 68%.

That card is clearly 15% new, no less, no more, and 85% SMOKED!!!!

[guyjin]

TGMM-16